Having fun in the margins.
For those who know: I have recently self-published something for the first time ever: a historical romantasy, Binding the Cuckoo, set in Gilded Age London.
So, to nobody’s surprise, self-publishing is hard, as I have found out. Harder by far than I’d anticipated. And, even with somewhat of a track-record, the truth is nobody is exactly waiting for another indie book. Anything that happens, happens because the author tortured themselves with yet another late-night marketing tutorial marathon.
And so the thing that must keep you going, the thing that makes all this effort fun, cannot be the hope of a sales outcome.
The true joy of writing, even in my more seriously-serious-Sirius books, for me sits in the little vignettes, the bits of funny dialogue on the margins of a story. A cheeky one-liner. An unhinged concept that has horrified my friends, and yet I find a way to smuggle in with a bit of cheeky humour.
I am such a serious writer, of course. An auteur, with an extra ‘eur’ for good measure. When I’m asked to pose as one.
But inside I so often feel like a kid, in my own, custom-designed playground. Where anything goes, and the slides go up, as well as down.
And if I want to add a little cuteness, then I shall do so.
Below I include a little extract, which I had included in my novel for no better reason than because it amused me. If it amuses you as well, well then my heart is full.
[an extract from Binding the Cuckoo]
She almost jumped with the shock and ended up pushing the needle into her finger.
“Ouch! Stephen, you startled me!” She put the pad of her pricked finger in her mouth.
“Are you a bampire?” he asked, his pale eyes narrowing with suspicion.
“A bampire?” Her mouth hung open, as Posy’s son climbed onto the sofa next to her.
“A bampire,” he replied and rolled his eyes. “Open.” He leaned forward and put his fingers on Hare’s chin, to which she objected weakly.
The domovoy made a chortling sound from the edge of the sofa, then bolted before Stephen could turn his attentions to the very fluffy creature at Hare’s side.
“Steffen”!” Francine Winchfield burst through the door and stood like a diminutive valkyrie, her hands on her waist, all outrage. All she needed to complete the picture was a little horned helmet. “Why you do?” She gestured towards him.
“I believe Stephen was enquiring whether I’m a…” Hare glanced at him.
“A bampire.” He scoffed at his sister and went back to inspecting Hare’s mouth.
“Stephen, I would really like to know what you’re doing.”
“So would I.”
Hare’s heart leaped at the familiar voice. She looked to the door. Ernest stood behind Francine, his hands folded behind his back. But the moment she saw his face, any hope she might have held out left her. He wasn’t even looking at her, focusing his attention solely on Stephen.
“Steffen wants to check if Aunt Edwina is a bampire.” Francine turned to Ernest and spoke in the tones of a school mistress when addressing a particularly dense student.
“Indeed.” Ernest’s eyelid twitched, like he almost wanted to glance at Hare. Instead, he chose to address his niece. “Miss Walker is not your aunt, Francie.” There was tension in his voice.
Hare tightened her lips into a line. It’s not like she told the girl to call her an aunt. What did he want, for her to be mean to a child?
“Oh.” The disappointment made Francine’s mouth droop for a moment. Ernest picked up the girl and walked up to the seat opposite Hare’s.
“Stephen, why did you say Miss Edwina was the… the thing you said?” Ernest asked.
“She drank blood!” the boy pointed an accusatory finger at Hare.
“I beg your pardon?” Hare felt as if she was having an out-of-body experience.
Ernest looked equally puzzled.
“She did!” Stephen folded his arms. “She put a needle in her finger and then blood came out and then she put it in her mouth!” He grimaced and shook his head in disgust.
“Ah, I see.” Ernest nodded seriously. “Excellent powers of deduction there, Stephen.”
“Are not!” Francine stuck out her tongue at her brother.
“So what is the next step in your investigation?” Ernest placated Francine with a pat on the head and leaned forward. He was enjoying this.
“I will check her mouth.” Stephen nodded sagely. He’d reddened with pleasure at his uncle’s praise. “You always have to check the mouth of a bampire.”
[end of the extract]
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